First day of December.

Wow, it's December already. Seems to have come pretty quick this year. I've been up since 4am. We had a huge snowstorm yesterday and I had to come to work early to get it cleared up for school. Now I'm exhausted, but on my fourth cup of coffee.

Strange feelings this time of year. I try so hard to get in the "spirit of the season" and yet I never manage to feel that good. I'm not sad. More upset than anything. Upset at the state of the world, the country, etc. People being killed. People turning on one another. Preying on each other like animals. Worse than animals. Animals only kill in order to survive. Humans kill for pleasure, cause pain for their own joy. Suffering shouldn't bring anyone joy.

As difficult as it is for me to get into the "spirit", I do always look forward to the new Year. It's an opportunity for hope. Hope that things will be better next year. I hope for all of you, that next year is better than ever.

Prop. 8

Alright, this might get me in trouble, but at least it will generate some traffic on my blog.

I think the ban on gay marriage (anywhere) is just wrong.

I'm not going to expand on that point. I'm going to go off on a small tangent now.

All of the people that are up in arms that prop 8 in California made it illegal for homosexuals to marry and are stating that the churches involved (most notable the LDS church, but the Catholic church as well) need to give up their "tax exempt" status... are simply wrong.

The "separation of church and state" in America does not mean that Churches are not aloud to express their opinion, and support the causes they believe in. The damn prop passed. That sucks. It's incredibly disappointing that the close minded managed to pull that off (not by much). The important thing to do now, is strengthen the campaign for gay rights.

*Tangent* Gays shouldn't have special rights, they should have the exact same rights that everyone has. Which are especially, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Getting married to the person you love is pursuing happiness. Regardless of who they are, or you are.

*Back to original* Campaign for the repeal of this atrocity. Support the court case that is, even now, trying to fix this mess. Don't hurt the truth, beauty or RIGHTEOUSNESS of this cause by trying to pin the failure on some other issue. Get out and vote. Get those that believe as you do to vote. We can do this. I have faith.

Thank you.

Post Halloween Blues.

This weekend was a disappointment. Half the family ended up in tears. My wife and I fought. The atmosphere at the house is still tense. I had high hopes this year. (I always do) The weather was beautiful. The fogger and the stereo both worked. Oh well. Maybe next year.

I read a few random blogs the other day. Beautifully poetic. I wish I could right like that. I think there was a time when I could. Now, this is as eloquent as I get.
I think I'm glad no one reads this blog. I want it to be something artistic, deep, meaningful. Mostly, it's just a place for me to vent my anger and frustrations. That said, here I go.

My wife has complained that I have been... inattentive, lately. Yet, when I try to hold her, touch her. She doesn't react. Occasionally she turns away. It seems I am wrong no matter what I do. I don't remember the last time she came to me in an amorous mood. I enjoy being the aggressor in our relationship, but I need her to show me that she wants me. I don't think she does, anymore. Of course, that makes me question whether she ever has. How can I know? I love her. I want her to be happy, more than anything else in this world.
Sometimes I wonder if she would be happier if I were gone.

Happy Halloween!

It's another wonderful All Hallows Eve. This year is especially nice as it's going to be in the low 70's today. Usually we have snow. As always, I've had trouble getting into the spirit of things, but today I'm just giddy with excitement. We are having to be a little more creative with our costumes this year. New ideas from old costumes. My wife and I are playing on song titles/lyrics. She is going as "Devil in a Blue Dress" and I am going as "Werewolves of London", complete with a chinese menu. Maybe I'll post pics sometime.

Singing Debut!

I spent my first real time on stage this weekend, performing at the Colorado Renaissance Festival with The Scallywags and Captain Jack! I had a fantastic time. What a great bunch of people. Of course, I knew that about two of them before performing with them. Michael, Kit and I have known each other for about two years now. Anyway, I was asked to perform as a "guest". Kind of a trial run, I suppose. I am hopeful that they will bring me back for the remainder of the festival, but I'm not holding my breath. Even if they don't, I had a helluva time out there this past weekend.

Post the Second

Ah, so here I am again. This may be a new record for me. Two blog posts in as many days. Frightening.

The St. John's kicked in. I'm feeling better. Not exactly up, but I'm not hating everything, anymore. I'm actually pretty stoked about this weekend. My sweet, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, amazing, sexy, darling wife is throwing me a "Pirate" party for my 30th. Whatever gave her the idea to use a pirate theme I'll never know...

I'm not getting any response from Betty at the Faire. I'm really bumming about that. I was trying not to get my hopes up in the first place, but I really want to be back out there, performing, and having a good time. What the hell? I can only do so much. Two calls and an email in three days. No response. Arrgh.

So, that's about it for now, I suppose. Who knows, maybe I'll do this again tomorrow.

Sailing the Internet SuperSeaway!

I think I tried this once before, but that was many ports ago, and I've lost the map to that particular harbor. Sailing on, seemed the best tack to follow.

Things are, unsurprisingly, chaotic. Dena lost her job a little over a month ago. Shortly thereafter, her mother did as well. Things were looking dark. Very dark.

We have seen some land on the horizon, though. Tina (my mother-in-law) got a temporary gig just a week after being laid off, and has an interview tomorrow for something permanent. This one would be really good for her. Keeping our fingers crossed, etc.

I may have an opportunity to get back into the Renaissance Festival. I went out last weekend and let loose at the back of a stage show that a friend of mine performs in. Singing, acting up. The head of the group (not my friend) invited me to play with them at three of their shows that day. She then introduced me to the festivals entertainment director. I'm waiting for a phone call from her, so we can talk about options for getting me out there. I'm excited. I've really missed it. Last week was so fun. Of course, the pessimist in me just won't die and I'm afraid the only offer I'll get from the E.D. is a spot on the gate crew. NOT what I am hoping for. Rali, the show leader, seemed to be interested in having me play with them... but I won't know until I can talk to the entertainment director.

Though a lot of good things seem to be looming for the family and myself, I can't seem to shake a depression that has a hold of me. I'm angry all the time. Sometimes I can hardly keep it at bay. I just want to hit something. Fight practice helps with that, but we got rained out last week, and I'm not going out on the 4th of July.

I'm sure I could write more. I have so much I just want to let out. Unfortunately, I have a meeting to go to. Maybe later.